SecondHand Tryptophan

Get Down with the Sickness

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I’m partly Irish, so don’t even think about pinching me. Actually, don’t even think about looking my way or you might get Ebola. I’ve been down with plague for over a week and a half now. For the most part, really, I’m better. What persists is a nasty cough and laryngitis.

If you haven’t seen me in a while, this is what I look like now. Look, it’s even a green towel for St. Patty’s Day!

Karl under a towel. Some say it's an improvement.

This is what you call “tenting” (not that kind of tenting, perv). It’s where you heat some water on the stove with a few drops of essential oil and then inhale the vapors for 5-10 minutes at a time. I haven’t had a voice in over a week and this is part of the miracle cure my dear homeopathic goddess friend has devised. I’m also crafting a tea made of ginger root, lemons, and some plant leaves she gave me. I’m thinking it’s probably hemlock. So far? After a couple of days, I was told Harvey Feinstein still has the fairer voice.

The best part about all of this is I don’t have to answer my phone. Not that I ever do, but I finally have justification. I literally cannot talk on the phone.

What I need now is a computer to speak for me. I should contact Stephen Hawking’s estate. His probably isn’t getting much use these days.

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